Divorce after 50 is rising fast. Ken and Sarah explain why long marriages are ending, why the money side is different when you have less time to rebuild, and the beneficiary designations people forget to change.
About this episode
Divorces over 50 have doubled, and divorces over 65 have tripled, in the past 20 years. Many of these marriages lasted 20, 30, or even 40 years.
In this episode, Ken and Sarah look at why: people are living longer, the stigma around divorce has faded, many Baby Boomers are more financially independent, and the empty nest and retirement can bring long-hidden issues to the surface.
The biggest difference in a grey divorce is time. Older individuals have less time to rebuild their finances, so the questions change: can you live on your post-split savings for your expected lifetime? How are pensions and retirement savings divided? Will there be spousal support? They also cover second marriages, the emotional side of living alone and talking with adult children, and a warning many people miss: change the beneficiaries on every account, not just your will.
Finally, they explain how family mediation and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can work together to plan for a stable future.
In this episode
Why grey divorce is rising: longer lives, less stigma, financial independence, the empty nest, and retirement
Why time changes everything: less time to rebuild your finances
Can you live on your post-split savings? Questions for a financial advisor
Dividing pensions, retirement savings, and investments, and spousal support
Second marriages, blended families, and prenuptial agreements
The beneficiary warning: update every account, not just your will
Living alone, identity, and talking with adult children
How family mediation and a CDFA work together
Chapters
0:00 Introduction
1:11 Grey divorce: divorce after 50
2:21 How common is grey divorce?
2:44 Why more long marriages are ending
4:07 Why time changes the money side
5:14 Why women are hit harder
5:41 Pensions, retirement savings, and spousal support
6:38 Staying married for financial security
7:05 Second marriages and prenups
7:28 The beneficiary warning
8:23 Living alone and redefining yourself
8:50 Adult children and finding support
9:38 How mediation and a CDFA help
10:36 Recap: five first steps
11:57 Wrap-up
One idea to take with you
“Older individuals have less time to rebuild their finances..”
Sarah, Season 3, Episode 2
Key takeaways
Divorces over 50 have doubled, and over 65 have tripled, in the past 20 years.
The biggest difference in a grey divorce is time: there is less time to rebuild your finances.
Ask early whether you can live on your post-split savings for your expected lifetime.
Pensions and retirement savings need careful valuation and division, including the tax side.
Once your divorce is final, change the beneficiaries on every account, not just your will.
Resources and further reading
The original article: https://divorcethesmartway.ca/mediation/grey-divorce/
More about Ken’s work and separation resources: Divorce the Smartway
About your host
Ken Maynard works in family mediation and divorce financial planning. His educational work focuses on the questions, choices, and conversations that arise during separation.
Episode transcript
[0:03]Host Emily Bell: If you’re navigating divorce or separation right now, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, and maybe even a little lost. You’re in the right place. This is the Soft Landing Divorce Podcast, where we prove that even in the midst of ending a marriage, you can move forward with dignity, clarity, and yes, peace. Today’s episode, Grey Divorce: What Changes When You Separate After 50, will open your eyes to things unseen by most. Ken and Sarah are going to share solutions and strategies that the divorce industrial complex never talks about, the approaches that can save you time, money, and emotional turmoil, but that traditional divorce professionals won’t tell you exist. Whether you’re just starting to consider separation or you’re deep in the process, our goal is simple: to help you and your family land as softly as possible on the other side. So grab your coffee, get comfortable, and let’s dive in with Ken and Sarah.
[1:11]Ken: Hey everyone, welcome back... I’ve got something really important for you today on the Soft Landing Divorce Podcast. We’re doing a deep dive into grey divorce, that’s divorce later in life, usually after 50. It’s something I wrote about on the Divorce the Smartway blog, and, Sarah’s here to dig into it with me.
[1:36]Sarah: Hi Ken! Oh, this is such a big one, it really, really is. Because a lot of people think divorce is something that happens to younger couples. And, and that’s just not the picture anymore.
[1:47]Ken: Right. And for anyone new to the show, Sarah Bates is a Certified Divorce Specialist, with over a decade in family law and a background as a freelance law clerk. She’s the guide behind Naked Divorce Filer by DTSW, and she believes divorce is a reset, not a battle. Sarah, welcome back.
[2:10]Sarah: Thanks, Ken. And that idea of a reset fits this topic so well, because for a lot of people over 50, this really is the start of a whole new chapter.
[2:19]Ken: So, let’s start with the big picture. How common is this, actually?
[2:26]Sarah: Well, the numbers in your article are pretty striking. Divorces over 50 have doubled, and divorces over 65 have tripled, in the past 20 years. And we’re often talking about marriages of 20, 30, or even 40 years.
[2:40]Ken: Wow. Tripled. So what’s, what’s driving that?
[2:45]Sarah: There are a few things working together. First... people are living longer, healthier lives. So someone in their 50s or 60s may have a lot of years ahead of them, and they start to reassess their relationship. Second, attitudes have changed. The stigma around divorce has really faded, so older adults feel more comfortable making that choice.
[3:06]Ken: And I’m guessing money plays into it too.
[3:08]Sarah: It does. A lot of Baby Boomers are more financially independent than earlier generations were. Retirement doesn’t always mean depending completely on a spouse anymore, so people feel they can make their own decisions.
[3:22]Ken: What about the, the empty nest? That comes up a lot.
[3:26]Sarah: Oh, absolutely. When the kids grow up and leave home, the focus shifts from parenting back to the couple. And sometimes... couples discover they’ve grown apart. Things that were masked by the busy years of raising a family suddenly come to the surface.
[3:42]Ken: And then retirement hits, and you’re together all day.
[3:46]Sarah: Right! Retirement can be a real turning point. More time together can bring existing issues out into the open. And couples sometimes find they have very different retirement dreams. Health can play a part too. A health crisis or a chronic illness, and the stress of caregiving, can put real strain on a relationship.
[4:07]Ken: So let’s talk money, because I think that’s where grey divorce is, really different. What changes when you’re 60 instead of 35?
[4:17]Sarah: The biggest thing is time. Older individuals have less time to rebuild their finances. When you’re 35 and things go sideways, you’ve got decades of earning ahead of you. When you’re already retired... that cushion just isn’t there.
[4:32]Ken: That’s... that’s a sobering way to put it.
[4:34]Sarah: It is. And many grey divorcees are already retired and used to a certain standard of living. While you’re married, the money and assets are shared. As a single person, you may come up short. So one of the first questions is, can you actually live off your post-split savings for your expected lifetime?
[4:55]Ken: Is there a rough sense of what that takes?
[4:57]Sarah: It really depends on your lifestyle. Your article gives one example: someone used to a high standard of living, with 15 to 20 years ahead of them, might need more than half a million dollars. That’s why working with a financial advisor on this is so important.
[5:13]Ken: And I know the impact isn’t the same for everyone.
[5:17]Sarah: No, it’s not. The figures you share are that, after divorce, women generally face a 45% decline in their standard of living, compared to a 21% decline for men. So for women especially, getting on top of money management and financial planning early is essential.
[5:37]Ken: Okay, so, what actually gets divided? Walk me through the big pieces.
[5:45]Sarah: After decades of shared assets, it can be complex. You’ve got property, investments, retirement savings, and pensions. Pensions are a big one for many seniors, and dividing them needs careful analysis, so you get a fair split and avoid unnecessary taxes or penalties. And then there’s spousal support, especially where one spouse was financially dependent during the marriage. The amount and how long it lasts depend on both people’s finances and future needs.
[6:15]Ken: You mentioned stress earlier. Does that, does that affect the money decisions too?
[6:20]Sarah: It really does. Ending a long marriage is emotionally exhausting, and people can be more inclined to make hasty financial choices or overlook important details. And, and that’s exactly when you want someone helping you slow down and look at the long-term impact.
[6:38]Ken: There’s a story in the article that really stuck with me. A woman in her seventies who stayed in an unhappy marriage, just for the financial security.
[6:53]Sarah: Yes. Despite an empty personal relationship. And that’s why it matters that people get clear advice about the lifestyle changes a divorce might bring. You deserve to make that decision with your eyes open.
[7:05]Ken: What about second marriages? I imagine those add a whole other layer.
[7:09]Sarah: They can. Second marriages can complicate the division of assets, especially without a prenuptial agreement. And blended families, with adult children from previous marriages, can create extra tension. A good prenup and estate plan are really essential to protect everyone involved.
[7:28]Ken: Speaking of estate plans... there’s a warning in the article that I think a lot of people miss. The beneficiaries.
[7:37]Sarah: Oh, this one is so, so important. Picture it. Your divorce is final, you’ve changed your will, and your former spouse is out. Or so you thought. If your ex is still listed as a beneficiary on a retirement account and something happens to you, they can get that money. Court cases have often sided with the account documents. So even if you’ve updated your will, change your beneficiaries on all your accounts.
[8:04]Ken: Huh. That’s... that’s not something most people think to check.
[8:09]Sarah: Not at all. And while you’re at it, review your powers of attorney, your life insurance, and how your divorce affects your Canada Pension Plan benefits. Your health coverage too, because health needs often grow as we age.
[8:23]Ken: Let’s shift to the emotional side. What do people find hardest?
[8:27]Sarah: One of the big ones is adjusting to living alone after a long relationship. Daily routines change overnight, and people can feel a real sense of emptiness and loneliness. And there’s identity, too. After years of being part of a couple, you have to redefine yourself as one person. That can feel daunting, but it’s also where a lot of growth happens.
[8:50]Ken: And the adult children. That’s got to be, complicated.
[8:54]Sarah: It is. Adult children may understand the decision in their heads, but still feel sad, confused, or worried about their parents. Holiday traditions and family gatherings change. Some even start reflecting on their own relationships. The best thing parents can do is talk openly with them, and reassure them of their love and support.
[9:14]Ken: So where can people find support through all this?
[9:17]Sarah: There are lots of places. Support groups for seniors going through divorce, where you meet people who really get it. Family and friends who’ll listen and help out. Therapists or counsellors who can help you process everything. And self-care, whether that’s exercise, meditation, or a hobby you love.
[9:36]Ken: Now, as a mediator and a CDFA, this is close to my heart. How do mediation and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst fit into a grey divorce?
[9:52]Sarah: They’re a powerful combination. Mediation gives you a less adversarial process than a court battle. A mediator helps you communicate openly, tailors the agreement to both of your needs, and keeps things private. And it’s often faster and less expensive than litigation. A CDFA brings the financial side: analyzing asset division, retirement funds, and spousal support, and giving you projections so you understand the long-term impact before you sign anything.
[10:23]Ken: So you’re not just splitting things today. You’re looking at what life looks like in 20 years.
[10:29]Sarah: Exactly, exactly. That’s the whole point. A more peaceful, informed, and financially stable transition.
[10:36]Ken: So as we wrap things up... let’s recap. What should someone facing a grey divorce do first?
[10:43]Sarah: Okay. One... get a detailed picture of your finances: assets, debts, income, and expenses. Two... find out whether you can live on your post-split savings, with a financial advisor’s help. Three... value and divide pensions and retirement savings carefully, and understand the tax side. Four, once your agreement is final, update your will, your powers of attorney, and the beneficiaries on every account. And five, look after yourself, and lean on the people and professionals around you.
[11:17]Ken: And on that note... if you’d like help planning your next chapter, you can book a Get Acquainted Call with Divorce the Smartway.
[11:25]Sarah: And remember... divorce later in life isn’t just an ending. It can be a fresh start, and a chance to rediscover yourself.
[11:32]Ken: I love that. So to everyone listening, here’s something to think about. If you’re facing a grey divorce, what’s one step you could take this week to understand your financial future? Stay curious, keep those questions coming, and until next time... keep planning for the life ahead of you.
[11:57]Host Emily Bell: And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. If there’s one thing to take with you, it’s this: with less time to rebuild, every financial decision in a grey divorce matters more, so plan it carefully. Divorce doesn’t have to be as complicated, costly, or drawn-out as the industry often makes it seem. You have more choices than you’ve been told, and more strength than you may realize. If today’s conversation resonated with you, subscribe to the Soft Landing Divorce Podcast so you never miss a new episode, and leave us a review, because it helps other people who need this information find us. And if you know someone who’s struggling through separation or divorce, please share this episode with them. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is let someone know they’re not alone. All our resources, show notes, and connection links are in the podcast description. Until then, keep moving toward your soft landing. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you. That’s Ken and Sarah, and they’ll see you next time. Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is intended for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. For legal guidance specific to your situation, please consult a qualified legal professional in your jurisdiction.
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